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Recovering From the Loss of Your Soulmate | Konner & Koch

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Recovering From the Loss of Your Soulmate

Friday, August 31, 2018

Taylor was the love of my life. We first met the summer before our senior year of high school. Her family had just moved from Atlanta and purchased the home across the street from mine. I was returning home from baseball practice when I first laid eyes on her. She was beautiful, long brown hair, sun kissed skin and a smile that was intoxicating.

I still remember our first interaction, it was anything but smooth to say the least. I walked over to introduce myself but couldn’t find any words to say. Instead I stood there talking about nothing really and mostly making a fool of myself.

Over the next few weeks, we didn’t really talk. Honestly, I thought I had blown my shot with her. That was until two weeks into the fall baseball season. I was walking home when all of a sudden, I heard heads up and saw a baseball flying at me. It was Taylor, she had just got back from my school’s game and wanted to congratulate me on the win. I was shocked. First off, I didn’t know that Taylor was a baseball fan and secondly, I never expected her to want to talk to me. We spent the next few hours talking. Which mostly consisted with Taylor criticizing my curveball, saying it looked like a beach ball.

As it turns out, a girl from Atlanta can play baseball. I learned that the hard way when I bet her that she couldn’t hit my curveball. The bet was simple, if I could strike her out, she had to go on a date with me. Well, the first pitch I threw, she turned on and slapped it over second base. For some reason though, she still wanted to go out with me.

Flash forward 8 years and Taylor and I had been married for 6 years with two beautiful 5-year-old girls. Just like the day I made a bet with Taylor changed my life, so did the last day I spoke with her. It was a typical Thursday night, I had just got home from my shift at the police station and Taylor was closing up her bakery for the night. Like I said, it was Thursday so that meant our girls had a softball game to go to. I called Taylor and said I would take the girls to their game and she made plans to go to the grocery store and pick up a few things for dinner.

recovering from the loss of your soulmate

When His Life Changed

It was a short phone call, no more than 30 seconds. A quick hello before we made our plans for the evening. What I didn’t know was that this was the last time I would get to speak to Taylor. On her way home from the grocery store, there was a car accident and she didn’t make it.

When the game ended and my girls and I learned of the news, we were devastated. Taylor was my soulmate. My rock. And the backbone of our family. I was a police officer and your typical guys guy. I didn’t know the first thing about raising two young girls alone. How was I supposed to move on in life and give my girls the same amazing love and care that their mom provided.

I was devastated, and didn’t know what the next steps were. Taylor was the one that kept us organized, I don’t know how she did it. She could simultaneously have a tea party, braid hair, and make sure to not burn our dinner. Needless to say, I didn’t know how to do any of those things. My life had been shaken and our family’s future had been changed forever.

Recovering From The Loss of Your Soulmate

It’s now been three years since Taylor passed away, and I’ve learned how to keep living. For the first year and a half, I was heartbroken and felt like I would never get better. It was hard, inside I felt empty, but I knew I had to be there for my girls and put on the brave face that they needed. Today I am happy again, but the sorrow of such a significant loss will never be forgotten.

The biggest thing that helped me was diving into my passions and exploring the things that Taylor enjoyed. I knew I had to play both roles as a parent and that meant doing the things with my girls that Taylor loved. I’m now an expert at braiding hair and I dare you to find a better Prince Charming for a princess tea party. Taylor loved being a mom and what’s helped me the most has been keeping the things she loved to do with our girls a part of their life. At the same time, I’ve explored my own passions. I’ve taken up coaching my girls’ softball team and started to renovate houses and flip them.

5 Keys to Recovery

While it hasn’t been easy, I have discovered the five keys to dealing with grief and recovering from the loss of a soulmate.

1.	The first key to recovering from grief is spend time exploring your passions. I’ve always loved baseball and coaching my daughters’ team has allowed me to connect with them. I’ve also started to renovate houses and sell them. Building a project like a new home allows me to work towards a goal and fill my time with something that is just for me.

2.	The second key to recovering from the loss of your soulmate is to take your time and grieve. Everyone experiences a loss differently with no specific timeline to follow. You need to spend some time grieving and working through the pain of loss. This won’t be easy as you will never truly get over your loved one. But in time, you learn how to love them but also love yourself again.

3.	The third key is to understand that it’s ok to date again when you’re ready. No one can replace your spouse, but that doesn’t mean you have to spend the rest of your life alone. In the time since Taylor’s death, I slowly started to date again and learned to share romance with others. No one can ever replace Taylor, but that doesn’t mean I have to spend the rest of my life alone.

4.	The fourth key is to learn to accept the loss of your love one. Although Taylor is gone, I know that her memory will never fade away. In the weeks following her death, I like many others in similar situations was scared and unsure what the future would hold. But since then, I’ve learned that this is the beginning of a new chapter and learned to start living again. It may not be easy but once you accept the reality of the situation, you can begin to grow and transform.

5.	The fifth and final key to make sure that you keep your loved one’s memory alive. Before and after her death, Taylor has played a major part of my life. I still think of her every day and find myself thinking about her when I cook one of her favorite meals or drive by park she loved to visit. What many people don’t realize is that the little things others do stay with you. It’s not until you experience losing your spouse that you begin to realize how much they shaped you. It’s now that she’s gone, I think of her and appreciate all of the experiences we shared together.

You Aren’t Alone

While the experience of grief can be difficult, please know that you are not alone. Should you need additional support, please do not hesitate to call us at 937-848-6651. We will do our best to ease your bereavement and, if requested, can provide a referral to a local grief counsellor/therapist or share some helpful resources with you.

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