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How NOT to Help Someone Through the Grieving Process TIP #3

This tip is probably the one that matters the very most to me. When I hear it happen, I cringe. I think it is SO important to read this and put it into practice. Today, were talking about comparisons.

As humans, death is a part of life. SO many of us have lost someone we love. Whether it was naturally from a long, well-lived life, or shortened by a tragic accident, whether it was an extended death that allowed for time to say goodbye or a sudden, shocking loss that takes your breath away, it hurts very badly every single time you lose someone.

Every person wants to know that the life of their loved one mattered. That is why we compare. When someone else is dealing with a loss, you may be reminded of your own loss, and maybe for a lack of something to say you tell their story and you make a comparison or talk about your loved ones life. The problem is that when someone has just experienced a loss, your comparison is hollow to them. My advice would be to make sure that in their sadness, you focus your attention on their loved one. Do what you can to help make THAT life feel important, make it matter, give it purpose.

This is their loss journey, what they need most is NOT someone that will unintentionally hijack their journey and make it about their own losses, but someone that will come alongside them in the present loss so that they are not alone in the face of their own grief. 

None of this means that we shouldnt share our losses with each other to support one another, because we should. But take note of the fact that awareness matters, and timing matters, and intentions matter. It is important to me that I differentiate between giving advice about facts and information and sharing about your own emotions and grief. This whole process can be overwhelming and confusing, so if you have tips or helpful information, Im sure they would be well received. Just avoid making this time about your own loss(es), instead choose to focus on their person, their emotions, their grief.

So remember what I mentioned in the last article, the very best things to say are I am so sorry, and anything that you remember or loved about the person that they have lost. Every. Single. Loss. deserves to have its very own set of tears, memories, and sadness. Be in the present moment with those who are experiencing the current loss.