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How NOT to Help Someone Through the Grieving Process TIP#2

Its Tuesday! Here is Tip #2 for How NOT to Help Someone Through the Grieving Process! This tip is all about cliches. In our culture, it is common for people to want to avoid cliches. We all want to retain a certain level of individualism, and yet somehow people always bring these commonly used phrases into a funeral home. Apparently, cliches are welcome here.

My thought is that most people that come to a funeral feel uncomfortable. They arent sure what to say, they feel awkward, and they truly want to help, so they say what they hear everyone else saying, which unfortunately is usually the opposite of helpful.

This week I want to CHALLENGE you, be confident and be different. Speak from your heart and not from your awkwardness. Dont be afraid to laugh with someone about how their ditsy sister accidentally put diesel gasoline into the minivan, or the time that he made a fire and then walked around with ashes on his forehead, or how she ALWAYS blew her straw wrapper directly at your eyeballs.

The info graphic that I put together for this tip has a list of certain cliches that I hear ALL THE TIME! However, right now I want to focus on the things that I think you actually should say! And dont worry, they are not long monologues or things that are hard to remember, were going to keep it simple.

1 ) Two words I dont hear nearly enough are Im sorry. In these words are empathy, compassion, and support of their grief. For right now, they need to hear that their crazy, wild emotions are justified. And these two magical words help them to feel that. Trust me, these two words are as good as gold when you are attempting to comfort someone in deep grief (and honestly they should be spoken more often by all of us).

2) ANY words about their loved one, any stories or special moments that you might have shared with them. The things that you will miss about their sister, or what you loved about their husband, or their child. Make this moment about them, about their grief. Be present with them in their sadness. Help them to define the things and the moments that they will remember for years to come about the person that they loved.

3) Let them know that they are not alone. That you are available, present, and close by. People need support in different ways, some need to be alone, some require acts of service, some just need a hug. With your actions and your words be available to them. Oftentimes, they will not tell you what they need, so take the initiative and think outside the box.

Thats it. This is not rocket science. Its just a matter of placing yourself in their shoes, dropping your narcissism, showing compassion, remembering their loved one, and letting them know they are supported. Make this time about them, be selfless and be strong.