Our Blog

How NOT to Help Someone Through the Grieving Process TIP#1

As promised, here is TIP #1 for NOT helping someone through grief. If you know a person that is going through a shock, a death, a time of grief, you should definitely try to fix the situation for them okay maybe not.

The problem with trying to fix it is that you cant. You literally cannot fix the root of the problem. When a death occurs, the situation is completely out of your hands. Unless you can bring someone back to live a longer, fuller life, you will not be able to fix it for them.

You cannot fix it with encouraging words or a night out, with laughter or a hug. You cant fix it with a listening ear or with an unprompted favor completed, with a warm meal, or a thoughtful gift. It will not be fixed. All of these things are helpful and kind, but they must be done without expectation. You must decide to resign power and control, because a person dealing with grief must go through the process over time and in their own heart to come out on the other side, not fixed, but healed. 

From what I have experienced, this eagerness to fix is common. Its a gut reaction when you feel out of control and helpless, when you see someone suffering and want so badly to make it stop, but trust me, a friend, sister, son, grandchild, or person that can stop trying to fix and control and change the situation, can be a solace and a strength to someone that is struggling amidst their grief. Because their grief looks very similar. It makes them feel out of control, powerless, and hopeless. And unfortunately, they have to power through that feeling, relenting their control, to get to a brighter day.

So be present in all of the ways I listed above, but do not expect them to change as a result of your actions, give them time to heal and provide them with strength. They will heal, they will move forward, they will laugh again, smile at the good times, and one day they will be a strength and a solace to another grieving heart.